We should treat love like butter, we should spread love like we spread butter. Even if it means ending up with butter fingers. Leading to a slippery situation. But it’ll reduce friction, resulting in a butter relationship.

First and foremost, I would like to inform you that this story is fictional. Awww, haha… I had a lot of people asking me about that (erm… two only actually). But this story is inspired by real life experiences. Namely, mine.

About a day or two before I penned this story, I was praying and seeking the Lord. I was struggling with questions about life. One question in particular was hard to understand. We know the concept of cause and effect. You work hard, you finish the work, you enjoy good results. But if you are lazy, you’ll miss the dateline, and you’ll suffer the consequences. But I didn’t see that happening. I worked hard, but I was on the losing end. I pushed for good things, I was right (not perfect, but just good enough not to be too wrong), but I suffered a worst fall-out. I chose to honour the Lord, but I was unhappy, whilst I have watch everyone else be happy regardless of their choices.

All this in addition to the fact that I believed that God was a just and loving God. He is also sovereign. Hence, from where I stood that day, my conclusion can only be that God is trying to show me who’s boss by allowing suffering and not answering my prayer and not granting me the desires of my heart. Perhaps He’s trying to punish me for something I’ve done or have not done.

But God met me that day by inspiring this thought:

“You don’t have what you want, because it’s not time.”

And it rang not just a bell, but many bells. It was consistent with His Word, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:” ~ Ecc 3:1. That’s why twelve year olds aren’t allowed to drive on public roads. You can’t squeeze apples out of an apple tree when it isn’t harvest season.

Also, I wasn’t ready, not just in one area of my life. But every area of my life has to be brought up to par before I go further. I can’t be a good son if I’m a lousy student; I can’t be a good student, if I’m a lousy friend; I can’t be a good friend, if I’m a terrible listener. In a way, it’s like building a wall, you can’t make one side super tall and strong while another side has only piles of stones, and expect the wall to be finished and ready to put the roof on!

Not forgetting that this two factors are true not just for me, it means also that my situation is also affected by other people, their choices and the situations that prevail. And all this takes time to resolve. All I can do is stay the course and do the best I can. I just have to keep following Jesus.

In real life, I’m at the part of the story just between where the son still nags the father for the shoes and where the son gives up.

I believe that if I stay the course, I will be able to enjoy my “shoes” one day. Not just because I’ll get it, but because I’ll be a trained “runner”.

In essence, I asked God for an answer so that I know what to do. Only to get an answer that tells me that there’s nothing left to do.

This is not a lesson about cause and effect, this is a lesson about times and seasons. And the fact that a lot of the times, things aren’t all they seem to be.

I realised that I can’t say much with words.
But I say plenty with silence.
Words can’t prove much,
But faithful deeds can.

If so, then I have said more than is heard.
And for the little I have spoken,
Even less of it was heard.
But words can only mean so much.

So, I keep doing what I do.
But works are obscured by the recipient’s heart,
Preferences, expectations, circumstances.
Seen or unseen,
Heard or unheard,
Felt or unfelt,
Known or unknown,
Faithful deeds are faithfully done.
The proof behind the words spoken; unspoken.

Many demand proof,
Few desire proof,
Because proof may not always be,
That which you want it to be.

And for the few whose deeds are found out,
And their intentions received with gladness,
They are blessed, for approval is their possession.

For the others,
I realised that words can only say so much.
But I have said plenty in my silence.
My words can’t prove much,
But my deeds can.

All which Someone Divine records,
In a book He calls Unspoken Deeds.
He remembers all that,
Just for me.

“The Unspoken Deed, the physical manifestation of love and longsuffering.”
~Cheng Yee

A father walks into a shoe shop with his two sons. One is five years old, the other, seven. It was the eldest’s birthday that day, so as a gift, he got to choose a pair of shoes he liked.

Naturally the youngest son decided to have a browse. And naturally, one particular pair caught his attention. So he went to ask his dad for it.

To his surprise, his dad said, “Alright, how about we have lunch first?”

Overjoyed the youngest son agreed. Being a child, he soon forgot about the pair of shoes. After lunch, came a nap. After that was cartoons. Then football. Then dinner. Just before supper, the child remembered the shoes, and asked his father about them.

To which his father said he remembered, but it was late, and tomorrow he’d be busy. Perhaps they’ll get it another day. So the child went to bed happily, excited at the prospect of a new pair of shoes.

Days, turned into weeks, and weeks into months, and months into years. And ever persistently, he’d ask his father politely about the shoes. Then it went on to nagging. Not far after, he turned to begging. Rebellion and sulking was part of his arsenal too. And as the child grew, he matured and knew about manners. He knew how to manipulate. He knew how much that pair of shoes cost. He knew the exact shop that sold it.

Every time he passed that shoe shop, he would remember the father’s unfulfilled promise. Anger, bitterness, disappointment and condemnation filled his heart. He would think about how to steal money to afford it. Or maybe he should just steal the pair of shoes. But he knew that he would wear it. And one day his father would see him wearing it and punish him. He did everything he could, he was a star runner in his school. He’d take part in marathons. Often wearing out two to three pairs of shoes a year. But his dad never got him that one pair he so desired. So he was trapped. Unable to move his father, unable to get his pair of shoes.

Finally one day, as hard as it was, he managed to convince himself that his father didn’t love him. That matters like this should be overlooked. That life was unfair. And soon he would be an adult and he could do what ever he wanted to. This, after years of seeing his elder brother, his friends and cousins getting everything they had asked for, while he only asked for that one pair of shoes.

A few more years past, by then he was seventeen going on eighteen. He woke up to find a box on his table. In it was that pair of shoe he had asked for since he was five. He ran downstairs to confront his father.

Full of anger he shouted at his father, “What is this?!”

“The pair of shoes you wanted since you were five, “replied the father with a smile.

“Why now? Why so many years after?” the son screamed, “Is this some elaborate plan to teach me patience? Why are parents always like that?! Do you know the trauma you have put me through…”

The son went on for a while more, and then broke down in tears. The father, also in tears, went over and hugged him, despite the son’s resistance.

A few moments later, the father spoke, “I kept it from you because they didn’t have your size. That was the only pair left and it was size eleven and a half. Also, that pair was already out of production. So I paid the lady on the spot and hid it at home. Until today.”

The son looked bewildered. Unable to understand why his father couldn’t just tell him that he had bought it already.

The father, being as all fathers are able to, sensed the son’s question and said, “I kept it from you because you loved to run. If I told you, you’d ask for it. And one day, you’d find out where I hid it and take it. If you started using that pair of shoes when you were five, you would have destroyed it and worst still, injured your precious feet as you try to run in it. You would have never had known the joy of actually running in such a good pair of shoes. Now you are a trained runner, and your feet is the right size. Go give it a spin.”

The son ran that day, in the father’s view. Shocked to find out that the only thing between him and that pair of shoes, was the size of his feet. Something, which no one could do anything about, something that he didn’t have to worry about. And all through those years, his father was the victim of his misdirected anger.

p.s. explanation in the next post.

I’ve been awake since 1 a.m. So altogether, I’ve only had one and a half hour’s sleep. Insomnia is leads to sleep deprivation which leads to torture.

But something’s different today, and yesterday was slightly different from the day before. I think I’m… erm… changing.

I woke up, and after a series of unfortunate events, I was brought to my knees. God called at 2:30am. Didn’t want me to say anything, just wanted me to sit at His feet. I did. I don’t usually respond that fast to the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

And, it was strange, awkward. It was lovely. It was painful too.

God has worn my mind, emotions and physical strength to its core. I have reduced my contact with people in order not to hurt anyone. When you starve a tiger, you keep it in a cage. But something I said today, about 15minutes ago, caught me by surprise. I said:

“Lord I can’t sleep la. But I want to thank you for the few hours of sleep you gave. I’m worn, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I feel like dancing.”

Today is different, the Lord asked me if I could keep awake for an hour to pray. I smiled, and said yes. And I did. More than an hour. I did the same yesterday. And for quite a few days now actually. But everyone of those days, ended with me on the bed, wondering if God will ever grant me rest. Yet I got through today, with a heart of thanksgiving.

The Lord has revealed to me that my suffering will be a while more. I personally feel that it’ll be for at least another year. But in the face of torment and suffering, all I wanted to do was sing:

“Alle-lu-ia, Alle-lu-ia
For our Lord God Almighty Reigns
Alle-lu-ia
Holy, Holy
Are You Lord God Almighty
Worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the Lamb
Amen”

p.s. Today God is in the process of fulfilling the Longkang revelation given to me six months before He began the work. I cannot not even begin to comprehend.

While I was bathing today, I was just contemplating what happened yesterday, last few weeks, last two years, my whole life. Here’s a sort dialogue with God that took place then:

*Contemplating…. *

What is going on? Hmm…

“Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.”

Really? Then where are my fruits now? Everything is so sad now…

“Your fruits: clean from drugs, not a drunk, not smoking and still a virgin.”

Oh, ya. Erm, never thought of it that way. Since I’m in sorrow, am I sowing now? When will I reap in joy?

“You shall do as a farmer does: wait patiently for the harvest.”

*all knowledge about farming processes run through my mind*

And there’s always a chance that the crop will fail, how do I prevent that…

“Your crop fails because you only sow and reap. What is in between?”

huh? erm.. ok.. I sow, I wait… then I reap.

“What do you do when you wait?”

I prepare to reap.

“Exactly.”

OH!

It was then that I realised, that my crops fail because after sowing, I only prepare to reap. I forget that in between, I have to tend to the crop. In a culture where everything is instant, I have forgotten that “waiting for harvest”… isn’t literally waiting for harvest.

And then the epiphany came, : “While I was just waiting and preparing for the harvest, I did not water the crop or protect it from pests and wild beasts.”

I’ve known about this problem for a while already. I’ve often ignored it, and dismissed it. Cause sowing and harvesting is easy, tending to the crop is difficult. So in my very Christian-ish way, I outsourced the work to God by praying (oh how often we pray for the wrong things!). That’s why I have nothing much to show for, after so many years. The only fruits I have are those that God graciously helped me tend and maintain. Strange how we Christians often give God our work, and try to help Him with His.

Now I understand some of the things God has been saying to me in recent weeks. I’ve noticed the trend, but today I got my confirmation in this revelation. This is the time between sowing and harvest. It’s called waiting. Waiting through tending.

Excuse me, some crows and squirrels are trying to steal my seeds. I’ma gonna get my water gun.

p.s. conversation has been paraphrased for your understanding. The gist of it is there.

Today. STUPANDA. Is launched.

XD

The Doctor in Heaven is asking someone to be a patient patient. He has requested that someone to go to the Waiting Room.

That someone is me.

Did I mention that that Doctor in Heaven is also a heart surgeon?

It’s going to be awhile Operation Room.

Apparently, I have a broken heart, and a screaming liver.

“Hati-ku seru…”

haha… that Doctor in Heaven can be quite funny.

This few days I’ve been taking time off to wait upon God. It’s the fifth day into a six day journey where I lay in wait of an answer. The strange thing is,  after He broke His silence two days ago, my mind is even more confused to the point of saturation, yet my spirit has been more at peace this few days than for the past few years.

One of the issues that popped up frequently was the problem of faith. I haven’t been able to put it in words until just now. This is about: risk management and risk taking.

Risk management and risk taking are two very different things. But each would be meaningless without the other. The purpose of risk management is to prevent reckless risk taking, whilst the purpose of risk taking is to tap the potential of a decision.

A few things to consider. The axiom that risk is inevitable and manageable; and the fact that more risk does not mean more gain and vice versa.  However, most people, including myself (chronic example), often get it wrong.

Between risk management and risk taking, there is always an inclination to do risk management more. This is because risk management involves NO RISK at all. There is only a risk if a decision is made. So most people get as far as planning, but never actually trying.

This is the problem that a lot people face especially in the area of faith. Because we usually get as far as understanding the problem, knowing what text-book (or biblical) solutions are available, and applying it without faith. Of course we say things like, “…so by faith I decided to…”. But is it by faith? It is by the process of reason and logic that we eliminate possibilities and whatever remains, however impossible it may seem, must be true (woohoo! Startrek quote!).

So what are you going to do with that bit of information? Consider this verse:

“In all your ways acknowledge Him,…”
~Proverbs 3:6a

I use to think that this is about giving credit to God and involving Him in my decisions. But God revealed to me the essence of it, by the way He challenged me,

“Do you believe Me, Cheng Yee? Would you acknowledge Me for the Lord that I am and everything I claim to be?”

It’s about faith. Risk management is what you do to make sure that what you hear is truly of God. While risk taking, is acting on that belief. And faith sits right in the middle, as an optional part of the process. A simple way of saying this is, we can make a plan with our mind and carry out the plan with our body, and still leave out the heart. It’s like saying “I love you”; you can say it, it’ll still be true and it’ll still work. But it would have been better if you said it from your heart.

Do the math, solve the problem, then put aside the logic, pour in your heart and take the risk.

p.s. this post is not a thorough discourse or is it a license for you to be an idiot. Apply with care.

It was a quaint little day that required nothing more than a slight shower forecast in the afternoon to make it interesting. Since days like that can be quite boring, we’ll skip to the day after.

“Does it ever bother you Pit, that the weather forecast yesterday was off?” asked Bob.

“Yes, I do believe I was wrong to assume so,” replied Pit.

“That’s true. However, this is the first time Pupoojomaro was off,” noted Bob.

Pit’s face suddenly lit up. Bob saw a blind deer at the window and immediately knew what Pit was going to say.

“And I have no eye deer why…,” said Pit much to Bob’s suspicion.

“Are we still talking about the weather?” Bob asked.

“I don’t know,” replied Pit, “Whether it’s the weather or whether it’s leather we should make sure it lathers.”

With a frown and a squint, Bob exclaimed, “We’re not on the same page are we?”

“I’m on page thirty eight,” Pit said, “But perhaps we’re just not reading the same book at all. Grab your hat Bob! Let’s go!”

The epiphany that Pit received was in fact, connected to the issue Bob brought up. And it was also connected with the fact that the day before yesterday, Pit had over heard Pupoojomaro telling Mr. Grocer that he was having quite a bad flu.

Bob and Pit arrived at Pupoojomaro’s house. And quietly, with the stealth of an elephant, and the elegance of a panda, Pit broke in the house by throwing Bob at the window.

Pupoojomaro was sitting in the living room and saw the whole commotion with his own eyes. Jumped on his feet, and exclaimed, “What are you trying to do Pit…?”

Before Pupoojomaro could finish his sentence, Pit charged at him with a pillow and beat the living room daylights out of him.

“Bob! This is the reason why Pupoojomaro’s forecast was off,” shouted Pit, while bashing Pupoojomaro’s head with the pillow, “it’s a job hazard inherent in weather forecasters.”

Bob, sprawled on the floor still dazed from crashing Windows, managed to murmur, “What happened? Everything turned blue…”

Pit who was almost out of breath, replied, “Bob! When a person has too much weather in his head, his judgement is clouded. That’s why, there was no rain yesterday! It’s all in Pupoojomaro’s head! The clouds surrounded his judgement, and is now pouring inside his head! It isn’t the flu, his nose is running like a tap because it’s flooding in his head!”

*pop*

Out of Pupoojomaro’s left ear, the cloud left him. And Pit finally stopped hitting Pupoojomaro. Pit’s method of curing him was a draining process, not just for Pupoojomaro.

Pit helped Pupoojomaro to his bed and poured him a warm glass of water. With a weak voice, Pupoojomaro whispered a thank you to Pit. And soon Pit was on his way back home. Satisfied that he saved a friend from drowning in his thoughts. However, Pit couldn’t help feeling that he forgot something.

“Well, as long as we helped someone today,” said Pit, reassuring himself, “right Bob? Bob? ……BOB!!”