Indulged in a bit of wallpapering too.. haha.. this are not my works.. I just put them together…. you can download them by clicking on them and going over to my picasa web album to download em… enjoy!

Alright… this marks the near end of my indulgunce into GIMP-ing and PICASA-ing this holiday… anyway.. here are some more photos and next up up will be a video on how I built the Cougar. Here are the photos:

COUGAR . MOVE FAST . KILL FAST

Played with Lego, using my avant-guarde techniques of side building… I’ve created a robotic flying spacey thinga-ma-gic… I’d like to call it COUGAR…

… and I had chocolate (pronounced as chok-ko-lat-tay) too…

“Somedays you’ll just feel that the Big Guy Upstairs seems to like pink and blue a lot. Somedays.”

Do I know who I am? Hmm.. yes. no.. wait.. is this a trick question?

Fact is, for some reason… unknown to me.. when I try to be myself, I’ll end up being anyone else but me.

I learnt how to be good, to follow rules, to try to meet the expectations of everyone around. When I did that, I did not become a good person. I became a safe person. Someone who just didn’t want to get in to trouble.

In the process of all that, the real me began to sink deeper  into myself. The real me was trying to run away. Because each I time I caught me, I’d slaughter it and impose all sorts of law and regulations. I became a prefabricated person. Spontaneous only because I was well prepared. Systematic because everything was set.

But God, the master of my heart knew about this. And He wasn’t happy at how I was treating myself. So starts His plan for my personal salvation from myself to be reconciled to… erm.. myself.

God came, destroyed the pillars of self-sufficiency in me. When a prefabricated man is forced to deal with situations he was never prepared for, he will either switch into safe mode and reject change (denial) or he will begin to permutate and run through hundreds upon hundreds of possible situations (worry). Sooner or later, in my case, thankfully, sooner, the fake me crumbles and is trampled upon by God who is here to purge my heart of useless facades that distract and restore true beauty and joy to the soul.

Now, I have returned to serving the master of my heart. Everyday I trudge through the dense wilderness of myself, trying to find my heart again. But every so often I meet the fake me, and a bloody battle takes place. In order to incite change, I must hate myself. In order to love myself, I must hate myself.

I have found a few remnants of my heart, the real me… but the real self’s culture is different. Remarkable and inspirational. But different. I suppose my real problem is accepting for a fact that to be myself, I cannot be safe. Good people are dangerous people. But they are the ones who have come alive.

For now, I try to follow the remnants of my real self. I have learnt that my heart has adapted itself well to the death threats of the former old self’s regime and has a habit of being on the run. I am trying to come to terms with who I am and who I am destined to be in Christ. Much is to be done.

This season, may turn out to be a long winter experience. Saddle up boy, let’s go.

A conversation is interesting and fulfilling if all parties are actively involved. Whether the topic is meaningful or just pointless chatter, we can never deny the fact that it’s the time spent together that is the main objective.

That said, a good conversations isn’t always easy initiate, maintain and closed. If a systematic approach is used to provoke and invoke participation in the conversation, then the conversation loses its relational value and only allows for the transmission of information.

Talking is so simple, that when we try to analyse it, it loses its meaning and becomes overly-complex.

I just want to talk. Not to impress. Not to achieve a goal. I want to talk because I am human and God has blessed me with a mouth to speak and two ears to hear from any and everyone.

“Efficiency is the bane of humanity. It has allowed human civilisation to digress from simple beautiful beings into complex and often superficial entities that seek only to fulfill an objective, thinking that such an approach will result in relational depth. It is a waste to, for the sake of not wasting, not waste.”
~ Cheng Yee

Insanity is a state of mental chaos when one is beside himself. I’ve realised that my most honest prayers are when I’m caught up in over-powering thoughts. My best and scariest prayers instead, are said when I am sane.

I really want people to understand. But God does. But He doesn’t respond instantly. Sometimes even if He does, it’ll be too subtle for me to realise. I’m alright being misunderstood. Now that I know that God is not afraid of people’s perception of Him. But I’m not alright being loveless. Loveless and loneliness is different. As you can see.. this is a typical emo insanity section. All I’m doing is waiting…

Waiting for the Lord, when He comes, I will mount on eagle’s wings and fly above the storms of life. Then for a brief moment in my already temporal life, I will have a bit of sanity. Perhaps a morsel of peace.

Miss everyone back in Kluang!! Also miss those who are elsewhere too!