“God remembered Noah, and every living thing, and all the animals that were with him in the ark.” ~ Genesis 8:1

I’ve been in depression which has led to a host of other problems coming in. I could name them. But that will serve no purpose. But as of Tuesday night, when I was at the end of everything I am, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, I cried out to God asking Him if He remembered me just as He remembered Noah.

Questions concerning God’s judgement and decisions in my life abound. Why does God keep certain people away? Doesn’t He know me well enough to know that I really want to talk and spend time with them? Why does God allow me to feel what I feel? Doesn’t He know it’s really painful? Isn’t God bigger than this? Why has He not shown His strength? What have I done? Yada yada blah blah blah… bluegh… the disgust of these thoughts…

God finally decided to speak that night, and led me to my journal. He showed me so many things. So many warnings and reminders of what is to come… yet I’ve forgotten them… then God suddenly turned the tables and asked me:

“Do you remember Me?”

No, I didn’t. I forgot the important things, and ended up remembering things of the past and became proud and demanding. Then I remembered this verse:

“Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; Acknowledge the Lord in all you do and He will guide your footsteps.” ~ Proverbs 3:5-6

The moment I thought of this verse, I remembered this post (the longkang post). Ladies and gentlemen, Cheng Yee’s back in business, because he has realised that whatever he is going through… and though it may get worse… he knows that God’s going to there… 

Honestly, I don’t know how am I right now, I don’t know to some extent who I am any more, I dont know how is my relationship with you, I don’t know how I’m going to survive, I don’t know a lot of things. But I trust God, so I’m just going to take life, one breath at a time.

ok ok… I’m confess.. I’ve been fantasising about my holidays!! It’s been two straight months since I went home, and it’s been one whole year since I took time off and really rested. But it’s not all mindless play I have in mind. It’s a 10 week holiday for me to improve on my musicianship. So, if God wills, I’ll be in my very own GUITAR BOOTCAMP. GUITAR BOOTCAMP the place where I’ll shred frets, bend strings and abuse fingers. MUAHAHAHA… ahem… just need to fix up some equipment and work through tonnes of music.

It’s going to be an insane holiday! Thank God! Speaking of which, I realised that God’s really been merciful to me this semester. I’ve NOT FALLEN SICK ONCE! AND I’M COPING WITH MY STUDIES! Although not out of the woods yet, but God’s been so good and He will certainly continue to… Glory to God!

actually not yet.. haha.. one more coming on the 24th April in UPM medic faculty’s hall.. the faculty is right next to Hospital Serdang, we’re playing the same songs as the UCSI concert… it’s at 8pm… haha

guess what?

That’s right I blistered my right hand’s index finger this time… due to heavy pizzicato action on the double bass.. haha.. well.. another interesting thing to note:

meaning to post this for a while now… the breaking of the blister!

Then after practicing double bass a few days later…

Haha… and like I said.. no pain.. it was a blister in a callous!! haha so cool…

Monday, woke up at 7.30am rushed to print things, rehearsals for senior’s pop composition course’s final exam at 10am, rushed for choir session at 2pm, came back, practiced some more, rushed off to have English course test at 5pm, rushed back to practice at 6pm, got the presentation materials by 8.30, reached hostel at 9pm, bathed and slept from 9.30 to 11.30pm, started work on presentation at 12am Tuesday.

Tuesday, finished presentation slide at 5am, slept at 5.20, overslept and woke up at 8.30am, rushed to department to prepare for presentation, presentation at 9am, finished at 10am, left early with permission to set up my equipment for performance, practiced senior’s compositions from 11am onwards, had lunch at 12pm, started practice again at 12.30 until just about 1.45pm, composition concert from 2 onwards to 3.30pm, helped clean up and keep the PA until 5pm, had dinner, and left for UCSI at 6.30pm, reached there at 7pm, tuned double bass and rehearsals started, ended at 10.10pm, came back at 11.15pm, bath, clear up my table, now it’s 12.23am Wednesday.  =)

I am burnt out. But I’m blogging now to testify of God’s goodness. I’ve trying to be as professional as I can, musically. Meaning that when the seniors past me the scores for their composition, I tried to get my part down quick and accurately. But one thing that threatens musicians is tiredness which leads to a zonked out mind that is unable to focus. So no matter how hard I practiced, today during final rehearsals for my senior’s composition, I was messing up. But then, I remembered yesterday’s sharing in Our Daily Bread which was about how when we are at our wits ends, we should just let God be God and trust Him. The verse highlighted yesterday was,

“Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God’s.” ~ 2 Chronicles 20:15

So at my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual end,my heart looked to God and said, “You know what, I’ve tried. I really want to be a good musician. But how far I go is totally in your hands. Please don’t let me spoil this for my senior. I know You may want to let me mess up to keep me humble, but please remember the seniors.”

I knew at that point, it was not my technical ability, or my musicality, or my many practices, or even my finger’s strength. It was all in God’s hand. So I let go. And you know what? During the concert, I played my best above all my practices. For this I am grateful. Praise God! haha… alright, off to bed now…. night!

An experiment with percussion techniques and tapping on the guitar with added delay effect. Cheng Yee on Ibanez PGM, Kent on Keyboard with bass sound.

Percussion guitar and delay technique inspired by Tommy Emmanuel. Tapping inspired by Zack Kim. Cheers!

I’m feeling… erm… un-inflated.. haha.. so… I’ll just break into a rhyme to.. you know.. cover up how I feel.. will start with the ever cliche line just to get things started…

Roses are red
Violets are blue 
I jumped on my bed
Knowing that was the clue

Somehow or rather
If I tried hard enough
I can chew a piece of leather
No matter how tough

The moon is happy
So is that girl over there
Balloons are hardy
Only if  nobody deserves a scare

I say many things
But few ever are heard
Because not many kings
like to  keep a short beard

Go away, he pleads
Yet the cat still sat still
Forgetting the beads
That was in its stomach still

Freedom is a lie
That’s why squirrels can hear
Plastic pants a side
Squirrels will never fear

In the six verses above, about ten percent relates to me, thirty percent related to rhyme and the rest of the percent are from the far edges of my mind, where I don’t want to visit any time soon. Haha…