Top ten things that I really want to shout at over-tech-savvy people.

10. STOP SHOUTING IN YOUR SMS! USE LOWER CASE LETTERS!

9. Downloading is NOT a euphemism for passing motion.

8. “A little bird told me…” is a figure of speech. I’m not asking you to read my tweets.

7. lol is NOT an actual laugh no matter how many times you say it!

6. STOP referring to your siblings as version 1, version 2, etc…

5. Hey! Your brother’s sucking on his.. erm.. thumbdrive again. Those things are FAT32 right? Gosh, he’s gonna be obese if he keeps taking those…

4. Tell you what, I’ll email you the durians.

3. No, you nerd. Wife is spelled as W-I-F-E and not W-I-F-I. Although.. they may be the same thing for you.

2. Please don’t name your daughter h@ppyGAL2010!

1. Hi, my name is Google. Worship me.

Well it’s that time of the year again! Here is this year’s Net Pot – Lame Jokes of 2008

What is a fresh water fish’s worst fear?
A flood. It doesn’t just some and go, it robs and bursts the River Bank!

Why are soldiers so stressed?
They are always told to add-tension.

What kind of windows are stubborn?
Those that have a strong view.

Which is smarter, a degree or a picture frame?
The frame, because it’s the degree holder.

What’s next after plasma TV?
Hemoglobin TV.

What do you get when you cross an electric eel and a bat?
A bat-tery.

Why are there less matchmakers than before?
Most couples use lighters.

Why are aspiring journalists attracted to newspaper-mache of pillars?
Because they all want their own newspaper columns.

Where do hotdogs go for holiday?
Frankfurt.

What did tom say when he was accused of hating alphabet soup?
“Stop putting words in my mouth!!”

Here are top ten things to know when traveling with THE friend.

10. Do not let your friend buy lunch for your train ride.

9. Do not assume your friend knows your definition of bread

8. Mexican bread is not considered a bread, it’s more like a layered cake

7. Do not assume that your friend knows that Milo bars are not beverages or instant mixes, they are solid food.

6. Do not bring your friend to a subway restaurant where there’s a nice girl worker who will blush because she got your friends order wrong. Your friend may think that she likes him.

5. Do not expect your friend to be kind to you just because you carry twice the load he carries.

4. Do not let your friend know you are annoyed. Your friend may take advantage and annoy you more.

3. Do not share the same bed as your friend eventhough you have no choice.

2. If you have to share the same bed and you find that your friend has conveniently stuffed the blanket under himself eventhough he’s not using it… Just pull it out!! Shove him if you have to!!

1. Check to see if there are more blankets than you think you have.

Here are top ten things to say right after the counting down to the new year!!

10. “Happy New Year! Goodbye old year! What’s with this deer? Somethings coming from it’s re…”

9. “Happy New Day!”

8. “Woo! Time sure passes quickly, I blinked and a year has past already!”

7. “Has anyone seen my car keys? I lost them a year ago…”

6. “Look, the Japan, Philippines, China and Korea have already celebrated the new year a few hours ago, so it isn’t new anymore. Plus it’s over celebrated. So let’s just be honest, wish : “Happy Relatively New Year!” instead.

5. “Hey, guess what? A year has just passed and I haven’t even slept!”

4. “Hey guys…next year in 3153595, 3153594, 3153593, 3153592…”

3. “Aww man, I forgot to renumber my calendar…”

2. “Hey, long time no see! Last time I saw you was last year.”

1. “Man, I stink. I haven’t bathed since last year!”

Welcome to this year’s Net Pot Lame Jokes of June 2007!! First four jokes are teletubies jokes… =D

What did Twinky Winky’s mom say when he first became famous at the age of 4?
“Twinky Winky little star??”

What was the title of the first rhyme Po composed?
Po-em.

Why was La La kicked out of American Idol?
The judges thought he forgot his lyrics when he introduced himself.

What was Dipsy’s first country band?
The Dipsy Chicks!

What do you call a camel that has melted in the heat of the sun?
Ca-ma-mel.

What do shop-a-holics say when you say goodbye?
They say: “Where? Where?”

What do you see when you look at a snail’s shell?
See-shells!!

Why did the bat beat all the other forest animals in the swimming competition?
Because he was bat-ter than the rest!

What did Mary sing when she lost her little lamb at night?
“Mary had a little lamp…”

What did the restaurant chef serve in gangster fight?
He tried to put together Fists and Cheeks.

I was in the toilet when I decided what to write for this entry…so… it may be a little crappy.

Net Pot Lame Jokes Of June 2006

Why is Slow-mo the 100m runner always healthy?
He was so slow that he couldn’t even catch a common cold.

Why do amoebas like karaoke over talking on the telephone?
They find handling microphones easier than handling telephones.

What is the coolest animal in the world?
Chic-ken.

If I = am, someone = stupid, what are you equal to?
Bored.

Why did grandma scold the Geek when they were chatting online?
After grandma told a joke, the Geek replied “rofl” (Repulsive, Obscene, “Funny” Language).

Why is Mona Lisa so famous?
She received alot of publicity when she was framed.

Why did the baby guppy die?
It drowned.

Why did the Hollywood celebrity install only air-conditioners in his house?
He doesn’t like to be bothered by fans.

Why is it so easy to tell between a cheap-skate money counterfeiter and a professional one?
The cheap-skate counterfeiter is so concerned about cost that he prints money with the black cartridge only.

How many meals should you eat a day to get fat?
Just one – continuesly throughout the whole day.

Recently bought a 20cm x 12cm x 10cm plastic mobile aquarium. Through vigurous testing and handing out of money, I’ve decided to write something here to advise all pet fish owner wanna be’s about the net pot things not to do. Here we go…

Net Pot: Things that you would not want to do when starting an aquarium

10. Buy what the shopkeeper’s call: “upside-down” fish.
They don’t look like they are upside down, because they are upside down. Died.

9. Buy a 20cm x 12cm x 10cm plastic mobile aquarium, and fit in lights, fake plants and black gravel.
There won’t be space left for the fish. But the black gravel looks good, especially with neon tetras.

8. Forgetting to fill the tank.
Dear brother, fishies don’t drown. Yes, it’s true. They live in water.

7. Install under-water toilets.
Wonder what happens when they flush.

6. Have aquaphobia.
erm…

5. Wash the inside of your aquarium with quality glass cleaner.
It’ll spoil the glass, ya. Nope, doesn’t have any effect WHAT SO EVER on the fish. NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS WOULD YOUR FISH DIE.

4. Frogs are not fish.

3. Neither are newts.

2. That’s a parrot.

1. NO!!! PARROTS DON’T LIVE IN THE SKY!!!

I’ll tell you the more useful stuff in the next entry. =)

Alright…most of you couldn’t make sense of last weeks blah…but I’m just too lazy to explain…anyway. SPM is coming…erm…more like SPM is here…the major examination has kicked tons of students into “study” mode…I for one am in that mode…trying to keep it…doesn’t seem to be…erm…fun…but come to think of it…why can’t studying be fun?Studying is fun…some people don’t like studying because they don’t want to study or are too lazy or whatever other reason…but most people don’t like it because they don’t know that it can be fun…and quite an egoistical matter…why? because every time I can answer a question…I feel SMART!!! MUAHAHA!!!!

Anyway…have been looking back at previous blog entries and have found that I’ve put in too much brain-power….and many of you are bored to death by it…welll for today….I shall be talking nonsense…HA.

first up…you may want to try something new today…if you intend to get a stomach ache…please go and stand by the toilet. Now to our net pot. Number one on our net pot of things to not do to Elmo on a Sunday:

10. Go to Elmo’s Church of ABC’s.
*I bet that they preach that God is the ALPHAbet…and the church is brought to you better the letter Omega.

next up we have,
9. Take a picture of Elmo while he’s sleeping.
*HINT: ELMO HAS NO EYE-LIDS!!!

moving on to number eight on our net pot…
8. Serve Elmo alphabet soup.
I guarantee you that you’ll not be able to shut him up after that.

promptly onto the next one…
7. Make him watch Sesame street.
erm…I really don’t know what would happen.

6. Tell Elmo that his show has been canceled.
*Ever seen Elmo have a heart-attack??