I was doing an assignment today. My body is already in crisis mode. Don’t know what’s happening, but it’s refusing to shut down. Anyway, an idiot popped up on msn and tried to talk to me. Many of you know that I hate idiots. I think God thinks that this fellow is also an idiot. Before you lash at me for my overly judgmental statement, try reading the conversation I had with that… erm… thing:

Just in case you still don’t know what’s happening, it’s a robot on the other end. It’s trying to get me to click on that link so that it can phish my passwords or something. So DON’T FOLLOW ITS INSTRUCTIONS. And yes, you can agree with me now. It is an idiot.

You free?

Yup, anything?

Need to talk to you about something.

Sure, but could you make it quick. I’m kinda busy…

That’s exactly it. You’ve been beside yourself lately. Frankly that worries me.

You of all people should know how I work and what is happening in my life. Buckle up and let’s ride. Haven’t time to…

Dude, shut it. Look, we’ve really got to sort this out. It’s tearing me to pieces…

What going on?

You! I remember you…

Yes I know… I am the man in the mirror.

I thought I was.

We all are.

Hello.

Oh gosh, you too?

Hey I remember him… what a jerk…

Speak for yourself!

I can’t believe I actually shared a history with you.

Neither do I.

Me too.

Where are you going?

Far away. I don’t want to have to deal with this nonsense anymore.

You can’t run from us. And  you know that.

Stop it!!

You know..

GO AWAY!!!

*static*

This week has been like the show A Christmas Carol. Without the ghosts, without the humour. Perhaps I’ll call it A Chinese New Year Lion Dance.

Recent increase in contact with my primary school, secondary school friends have thrust old memories of a VERY immature and crappy me into my head; Cheng Yee of years before. Next, Seeing my friends go visiting, my family enjoying their time together, all while I struggle to prioritise my life (and stay healthy) makes me feel left out; Cheng Yee of the now. And the blame is on none other but me. My lack of trust in God. Lastly, an influx of work and true to God’s revelation that in this season I would be stepping out more, I’m getting a taste of the future. How deadlines seem to trample every other consideration and distract a person from living life. Ultimately leading to a life of meaningless pursuits.

Now I am conflicted. My prognosis of my life is not good. Under sections like love, joy peace, patience… I have written “failed”. However, I did go for a second opinion. And Dr. Christ Jesus seems to think otherwise.

I have no answers to many of life’s questions. I only have one truth that gives me reason to live. That there is a God. Infinitely impressive and loving and just.

So, where are those Cheng Yee’s of the past, present and future? I’d like to have a word with them.

Technical explanations for two Chinese New Year traditions.

Reunion Dinner - A massive corporate event held on the eve of the new year where various nucleus family present their yearly reports to each other and commence general discussions about current issues. Due to the extended lengths of this event, food and drinks are usually supplied in generous quantities to fuel the draining process of relative relations. This event also includes huge pre-event, event and post-event workers; all of them on volunteer basis. But outsourcing does occur, where companies (usually food and beverage related) outside of the native corporate institution are hired.

Ang Pau -  A red packet. Generally used as a symbolic representation of wealth distribution from the upper ranks of the company to the lower ranks. However, only members of the upper ranks who have legitimate marriage contracts approved by the government are required to give ang paus.

p.s. it’s just a clinical observations about Chinese New Year… don’t take it seriously.. haha.. wishing everyone a Happy Chinese New Year!

I’ve been trying to reconcile these two axioms:

• that the amount of talent inherent at birth has been set;
• that a genius is 1% talent and 99% nurture.
  (paraphrased from Thomas Edison’s famous quote)

The question in most of our minds is how important is talent when it is through effort that it is drawn out? But why is it that effort in itself cannot bring into effect what an extra bit of talent can?

It is very tempting to just push everything under the rug of human flaws and put the blame on something as vague as fate. I urge you not to, because that has led us to our mediocre existence despite the exciting hopes, dreams and truths we so cling onto.

Today, I postulate that talent is like a diamond (as cliche as it sounds). And in the diamond industry there is the Way of the 4 C’s.

Carat - unit of weight for the diamond
I believe that everyone has different amounts(carat) of talent. Is it a draw back? No. Just because a man is not talented enough to be a scientist, does not mean that he cannot be involved in the field of scientific research, albeit at a lower capacity.  Talent does not dictate the value of a man’s existence, God does. But talent sets the bar for each individual to achieve and if so desired, to excel beyond.

Colour - color of the diamond
Your combination(colour) of talent has been preset the day you were born. You would not ask someone who has little talent in diplomacy to be a president. However, you would ask someone who has great kinetic skills to try carpentry. In this respect I’d like to quote Howard Thurman as an encouragement, “Ask not what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive… then go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

Cut - the proportions, finish, symmetry, and polish of the diamond
These factors determine the fire and brilliance of a diamond. Here Thomas Edison’s quote rings true. Effort is painful, yet not all effort benefits. As mentioned, it is the angle of the cuts that determines the amount of light refracted. Hence, make careful considerations as to what is worth your efforts. Apostle Paul says it ever so wisely in 1 Cor 10:23, “Everything is permissible - but not everything is beneficial.” (NIV)

Clarity - clearness or purity of a diamond
Strange as it may seem, your diamond, however big, exotic in colour or perfect in cut, is of little value if it lacks clarity. So what is clarity? It is your character. I’m sure you know a few talented people who are absolute snobs. What stands out? Their abilities? Sometimes. Their achievements? Sometimes. Their terrible character? ALL THE TIME, like a sore thumb. Character flaws can be in the form of internal blemishes, where our intentions are immature and selfish. But it can also be in the form of external inclusion, where cutting(effort) will suffice. An example of external inclusion would be bad eating etiquette, we don’t mean to be rude, we just didn’t know.

It is obvious after the above analogy, the two axioms first mentioned, as true as they are, hold no meaning for us. Even if they do, they serve as encouragements rather than limitations. Because none of us will ever know how much talent we actually have or even how much effort we have to put in. We only know that everyone has a certain amount(carat) of different(colour) talents and that we have to work(cut) on it while maintaining the purity(clarity) of our hearts.

So do not change the things that have been preordained by a wise and ever knowing God, but let’s work with whatever we have been blessed with and excel at being ourselves.

“For it is in one’s humanity, that one finds his/her function and place, and never the other way around.”
~ Cheng Yee

I admit being in a lot of emotional pain. A pain derived from certain incidents in life. This pain though frequent, is always unexpected. I have made progress in getting over it. But at its core lay a fundamental impulse that cannot be ignored. To the extent of denying my humanity if I choose to rid myself of it.

(Yes, I know. Some of you reading this have no idea what I’m talking about. It’s okay, but I do hope you understand what I’m going to share now.)

Like most teenagers, I discovered rejection. I found it in the form of a girl who did not accept me though I loved her dearly. You can guess by now that my story(at least for now) did not end with a “happily ever after”. It was traumatic to say the least. While working through the pain, I remember asking God what did He want to teach me through all this. I remember distinctively the impression He gave me,

“This is how I feel,…”

It wasn’t until a few months later that I figured out why He decided to show me a fraction of His pain. Because I had asked for it. Faithfully for a few years during secondary school I asked God to show me how He felt. But that’s beside the point.

What ensued the revelation of His feelings(in a lesser intensity), was devastating and alarming. Devastating because I never thought He’d answer my question with a question. I asked:

“I love her, I want her. Why doesn’t she want me?”

To which He responded,

“I love you, I want you. Why won’t you want Me?”

And the part that alarmed me, was how numb I felt. I was not convicted of the fact that I had rejected Him when I sought my own ways. That because I was comfortable with my lifestyle, I had stopped seeking Him and rejected Life.

But over the course of time, I realised what the astounding revelation actually implied. It wasn’t a fiery arrow of conviction, it was a fragile letter of confession, that He wants me. It is already difficult to grasp the concept of a God who LOVES me, yet here He is telling me that He WANTS me. 1 John 4:8 says that God is love. In a rather naive and subtle way, we often mistake that God saving humankind is sort of His duty and perhaps it was just a parade of His might and glorious presence compared to our feeble existence. Yet at the core of the Bible, the message that Jesus so embodied was this, :

“I love you, and more than that I want you.”

Our triumphant God who split the Red Sea, who made the earth, who knows all things, who planned a universe, this wondrous entity, wants me. And you. Humans invented the Xbox and the Playstation long after the event of creation, but God was probably playing Pong with the angels using Jupiter as the ball even before He made earth! And this same God, WANTS, TO, HANG, OUT, WITH, US!! HE DESIRES US!

There are many instances where the Bible explicitly states God’s love. But one of clearest is in the wrongly titled parable: The Parable of the Prodigal Son. As Ryan pointed out to me, it should be: The Parable of the Ever-loving Father. God longs for us. If we’re lost, we are assured by His own words that He is more than willing to receive us. If we are already with Him, we are assured that He will give nothing less than all He has. Not just because He is our Father, not just because He loves us. More than that, because He wants to, because He wants us.

He wants me.

He wants you.

I thought I should share something since its been awhile since my last post

Its from the book I’m currently reading called the “Power of Desperation” by Michael Catt, who was the executive producer for the movies Facing the Giants and Fireproof.

” It’s easy to come to church, fellowship with believers, and never touch Jesus. We can be in the crowd and never really be a part of the congregation. We can sing songs but never worship. We can take notes on sermons, and never apply the Word to our hearts. Attendance doesn’t mean we’re paying attention. I believ Jesus is passing by the aisle of our churches every Sunday, looking for people who are desperate for Him. Unfortunately most of us miss Him because we aren’t really desperate to worship and adore the Lord of glory….”

I trust it will be food for thought for many of us out there…
Are you desperate daily for God? Or just sitting back relaxing, going on with life “hoping” God will encounter u?

*This article was taken from Jonathan Tay’s note on facebook and has been posted here with permission.

I know little about prayer. The more God answers my prayers, the less I seem to understand prayer. It makes much more sense to be down to earth and do all we can to get the job done. Yes, we can pray, but why devote so much time to it? Isn’t a short prayer sufficient? After all, isn’t God great enough not to be petty about the lack of prayer?

I’ve realised why I would think like that. Because in essence, I doubt prayer.

This is how I get a sunflower. I take a seed, I dig a hole, I put the seed in, I sprinkle fertilizer around it and I water it everyday.

The above statement seems to speak of the irrelevance of prayer, when in fact it cements the effectiveness of prayer. Reason being: I cannot make the seed grow. Therefore, as I doubt that the petitions of my lips have more than or at least the same power to change a situation compared to my capable hands, I forget the key to prayer: the God hears prayer and moves His hands.

“I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase. So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase.” ~ 1sr Cor 3:6-7, NKJV

At first glanced, it seems fair that the credit be given to God for the growth that happens. But it is the next verse that shows how strongly Paul feels about the importance of the work he does compared to the work God does.

Therefore, I conclude that prayer in itself does not make sense. But it is on the account of the living God who hears prayer, that the effectiveness of prayer is validated.

A word of caution, this article only wishes to convey the importance of prayer. This article DOES NOT intend to claim that prayer is the most important. Balance is the key, would God cause my sunflower seed to grow when it is still in the vacuum packed plastic packet?

When’s the best day to celebrate? Well, I chose today.

I went to subways after caroling in IOI mall just now, cause I was craving subway. Cause I was hungry. I was also thankful for the blessings of God on my life.

A one footer SUBWAY clubs menu with extra cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, olives, chocolate chip cookies and a drink. I ate with thanksgiving in my heart. Though that last bite seemed insurmountable… haha.. but I ate and drank to God’s glory. I ate alone cause I celebrate my singlehood. I ate much cause I celebrate God’s abundance in my life. I ate happily while enjoying the view. The view of a parents and children having their meals together. Today I celebrate cause I’ve learnt to appreciate some of the little things in life. Little things like a little wandering girl in the mall, clueless why a bunch of people are singing in the middle of the mall.

After that I groaned from the fullness. But it was a good fullness, a physical fullness that has its roots in a heart that knows it is blessed. Celebrate today, cause theirs no other day than today. Today, I celebrated.

p.s. chocolate chip cookies are still in my car, I’m too full… hahah…

Maybe it was one of those days that an individual feels a sudden urge to consume caffeine. Kael wasn’t sure, but that didn’t bother him as waiting in line was quite an experience in itself.

“Ordered exactly what You asked for, a double expresso… oh… and I added some of that new flavour thing that they are offering now… don’t really know what it is though…, just said yes to whatever that cashier said. She has the sweetest smile I’ve seen so far!” said Kael as he brought the cup to a middle aged man sitting at a corner.

“Haha, it’s alright…,” said the man. He took a feel sips, smiled to himself and noticed the excited look on Kael’s face, “Would you like some?”

“Oh, would I?!” said Kael, trying to keep from making a fool of himself in a crowded coffee shop. The man passed the cup to Kael and Kael couldn’t stop. He finished the whole cup in just a few gulps.

“Whoah, Kael my boy, slow down… How do you find it?”

“Papa! It’s such a wonderful blend! So satisfying!”

“So is this your favourite cup so far?”

“Yes!! Wait… no… hmmm… I think I like the coffee made by Mr. Yap down the road. Too bad his coffee shop isn’t doing so well. Everyone seems to like this one better.”

“It is air-conditioned and has sofa sets instead of wooden stools. Perhaps that’s why people like it here, Kael.”

“Ya… that’s true, but poor Mr. Yap…”

The man looked at Kael’s downcast face and said, “Don’t be sad Kael, I’m not planning to to let his business go down the drain.”

“Then why did you come here this morning? Every time You visit this part of the earth You’re bound to drop by Mr. Yap’s place!” asked Kael in all his innocence.

“Haha, Kael, Kael, I came here to have a look at her,” said the man while giving a quick glance towards the cashier, “She made the decision yesterday, and Heaven’s in her heart.”

Kael’s face immediately lit up and he returned to his usual joyful bouncy nature.

“So what’s next, papa?”

“Well, you finished most of my expresso just now, so take a guess where are we going next?”

“To Mr. Yap’s coffee shop!” Kael shouted with joy.

No one heard the Kael’s last sentenced in that shop. Not even the cashier. Detached from time, Kael and the Man disappeared. Life went on.

I’m going to blog about peanut today. Cause that’s what Ryan suggested.

Erm.. maybe not. But I do want to say that I’m doing internship in 1A.M. Learning stuff like songwriting and doing work like transcribing songs to lead sheets. It’s interesting haha, to say the least.

I’m feeling quite strange, as in confused. Why so you ask? (even if you didn’t just read on) Well in the words of someone who I really trust, “…he tries to be normal, but he isn’t….” That’s me, common sense isn’t a natural to me.

A good case in point would be today’s movie outing. I realised that when I was laughing, most people weren’t, when most people were laughing, I was like: “erm.. ok… it’s alright…”

I would love to be erm… “normal”… but this “normal” is not me. I suppose in the cliche way, I want to fit in. Being 50% sanguin and 50% melancholic doesn’t really help. Well, at least there’s freedom to express one’s self in office. One colleague of mine tends to be very expressive. Which.. is… AWESOME!!!

Haha.. the naive thrill of randomness…  :D